Saturday, 26 April 2014

Lust vs Love

I know...I know, it seems like I talk about this quite a lot, but it surrounds me. This post is about dating.
It's not like I claim to know everything or that I claim to be perfect or that I am the purest of them all and those that do stuff in relationships are hypocrites. I am not saying that at ALL. But this is what I have learnt through observation and learning through other people's relationships.

Let's start from the beginning:

We know that God created mankind in His own image and he created us 'male and female'. God also gave us a blessing to be 'fruitful and multiply in number, to fill the earth and subdue it...' - Genesis 1:27 and onwards.

So, we know in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth and he created a man...Adam. But, all the animals in the Kingdom had a mate and God saw that Adam was alone and said 'It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.' So, although the world's idea of marriage is trading rings and getting tied down, God's idea of marriage is tying two people together into a beautiful, permanent, love relationship.

Then we have Proverbs 18:22 says "He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord".

FIND means "to be discovered, to be gained. A man basically gains something when he finds a wife". Isn't that amazing? This actually tells me that I have to be found, I shouldn't be out there looking for a a man. I should not even lower my worth to go out with someone. Why should I? I am a special kind of woman (I'm saying this without pride by the way) and I know I am worth something.

Proverbs 12:14 states "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones"

A crown is typically worn by Kings, right? So, a man should be a King. I can see someone actually shaking their heads at this, but its only on how you treat them or see them. It should be an honour to have his last name, is he worth having as a King?

So, for me, I feel like dating is like an interview process. You should determine whether you want them in your forever or not. You don't want to go from guy to guy to guy to guy and treating each guy as a King when they're only passing by...or won't even get to the graduation (marriage). You are worth so much more than that. You are wonderfully and fearfully made. You are a goddess, a queen and you deserve to be treated as one.

When you are dating; you should learn things - what are their eating habits, do they want children, what is their family like (heck, I need to know because I am marrying into that family, potentially), how do their finances work (if he is a spendaholic, and he is a save-aholic, can you work around that?).

Check that person's standards; check that person's boundaries, ask them what their values are (do they believe in sex before marriage?) and are those in line with the God's Word (If you're a Christian)?

There is emotional intimacy and physical intimacy. Emotional intimacy is all that stuff men probably don't like. Communication etc.Physical intimacy is...well, it's sex (yes, I said it). At least place some boundaries in your relationship, if a man has to force you or make you feel guilty about having sex with him, clearly he doesn't want to be with you for very long.

Oh, and the friendship thing between men and women. I was reading Heather Lindsey's blog on "Can Guys and Girls Be Just Friends"- check it out by clicking HERE.  She was saying that either a woman will get connected and grow feelings for that man or you become emotionally invested in that person. After pondering on this, I had to agree. Every man who I have had a close friendship with, somehow I end up growing feelings for them. It is so weird. For example, they will be the first person I call, or if something exciting happens to me, they will be the first person I call to even share the news. So, I kind of agree with Heather Lindsey on this. So - check it out and read it --> Heather Lindsey's Blog

What are your standards and let them know what YOUR standards are?

Ensure that how you act doesn't attract people who will make you LOSE YOUR VALUES or compromise your values. For example, staying pure and straying you away from God. 

What is the vision for their life?

Also, I know there are ladies out there that really want marriage (to be honest, I feel that they focus more on the wedding than the marriage) but don't get married just because you feel lonely or you FEAR that you will forever be alone. Remember, do not awake love before it's time (Songs of Solomon 8:4), and there is a TIME for everything under the sun (Ecclesiastes 3:1). As you wait, ask God to help you be patient, be kind, be gentle, be loving and joyful. It's not your time yet.Oh, and another thing, don't be depressed. Men come and go, heck, there are BILLIONS of people on this earth and God is that powerful that he will give you what you desire. There are so many misconceptions about marriage too (I am not yet married, but my mother has taught me so much...wisdom is gained through research). Most people just want that title because marriage is seen as the highest achievement. You shouldn't get into a marriage/relationship because you are lonely and you want someone to love you. 

Lastly, the Word tells us to be patient. James 5:7 tells us that just like farms wait for their land to yield valuable crops...patiently waiting for rains, we also have to be patient and stand firm. And if you believe in praying, pray. I don't know about you but my faith was strengthened because EVERYTHING I have asked for came to pass. If I didn't get it, it's ONLY because God knew what was best for me.

Some ideas from Pastor Conlon:

  • Be kind to other people - people are frail, believe it or not.
  • Keep it CLEAN
  • Keep it PUBLIC - there is no shame in dating someone if you believe its a lasting relationship
  • The date ends at the DOOR (LOL) 
  • Lasting marriages are built on friendship and trust. If you violate friendship and trust, your soul builds difficulty in trusting them. It will be very hard for that other person to trust you when you get married (as they promise it at the wedding) - Marriage is honourable, it is the Will of God, the design of God
  • Marriage is the most deep fulfilment of your heart in this life.
  • Learn to pray and seek God. If you are selfish, be quick to admit it and ask God to change YOU before you get married.

Chansa x

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