Sunday, 16 July 2017

25 Years - 25 Things I Have Learned



After turning a new chapter in my life...I've been thinking (as per usual). I'd like to think I've grown...wiser as well as older.

I remember listening to this Preacher when I was younger (God, I feel so old saying that). Anyway, I think it was a sermon I attended which was about Singles and Marriage or whatever. I was in University at the time anyway and I remember him saying, "Your 20s are the most confusing years of your life. You are trying to grow and find yourself, what works for you and trying to figure your life out."

I won't lie, I thought he was exaggerating. I knew I'd graduate in Law, I knew I wanted to be a lawyer. So, at the time (I must have been 20), I was like, "let me just graduate then go to law school and get a Training Contract". Well, I graduated and I completed law school - the Training Contract is still needed *rolls-eyes*.

Since graduation, I have had...three jobs in three different law firms, I have relocated to a whole different Country and I'm still trying to figure out my life. But nevertheless...here are 25 things I have learned in 25 years of living.

1. God ALWAYS PROVIDES PEOPLE.

There are times when I felt so alone, so depressed, so sad and I think it's because I didn't FEEL like God was there at times. There are times when I felt like giving up on this Christian life because I felt so DIFFERENT to others. I have learned that there are people who will call themselves Christians but not really ACTIVELY live out that life. I have attended many churches AFTER graduation and it was hard to make friends because a lot of these people were much older and I couldn't find people MY age in Church. They were either too young or too old.

But despite all this; I have an amazing cousin (Hi Thelma!) who probably doesn't know but she is such a blessing to my life. She doesn't judge me and she is always there to provide advice when I need it.

Even though I don't have a lot of people I can relate to around my age, I am thankful for my cousin, my best friend and my parents.


2. LOVE YOUR BODY

Growing up, I...wouldn't say hated...but I struggled with the concept of loving my body. I have always been slim. I remember my cousins used to tease me and call me 'skeletal' - which has given me thick skin because I was so used to family calling me 'skeletal', I didn't care what people said. BUT, growing up in a world where big bums and big breasts were everywhere (Kim K, Beyoncé) and then men identifying with people like that as 'beautiful', it was hard to accept that I, myself, being slim and having no curves, as 'beautiful'.

I'm not exactly THERE yet BUTTTTTTTTTTTTT, by the grace of GOD, I have learned to see myself through GOD'S EYES. You have no idea what a difference that makes. It took me a LONG time. I used to hide behind make up and baggy clothes. It took the Word of God to love myself the way God loves me. My confidence cannot be found in a man or society, it is found in God. I remember pondering upon Psalm 139 and thinking, 'Wow, God made me FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY. Who am I that God made me so beautifully?'. This is not me bragging but honestly, I have learned to accept myself the way I am.

I am in no way perfect but I am made perfect by the love of God.


3. ACCEPT ADVICE
I am stubborn. I won't even lie. I am stubborn and always tend to think I am right about everything. If anything...I refuse to accept that I am wrong in most cases. BUT, of course, it only takes God to change a person.

Proverbs 12:15 - Fools think their own way is right, but the wise listen to others

THINK upon that verse for a moment. God is talking to you. It's good to have people who are older and wiser than you to HOLD you accountable for your behaviour. Its wise to have people advise you in the things you do. Be willing to accept help from others who have lived on earth a lot longer than you have.

4. IT'S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY

I've often said I am not an emotional person. I have only cried in front of my mother, my cousin (Thelma) and my best friend, Mesna. I hate to have people think they have power over me. I hate to have people think I am weak. I hate to have people think I am this helpless little creature.

BUT - I have learned that its okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to accept help from others and not to do everything by yourself. It's okay to let your feelings out because at the end of the day, if you are not OKAY - then it affects your HEALTH, your FEELINGS, your BODY, your SOUL.

5. GOOD FRIENDS

Growing up - I don't think I had good friends. I've always been that friendly person. If I see someone sitting alone, I will go and chat to them. I remember in my school days, there was a girl who had 'selective mutism' (if you don't know what that is, google it). It's a condition that basically stops someone from talking because of anxiety or...whatever. Anyway this girl (Hi Sneha), was often bullied because of her condition and she was often isolated and seated alone, but I remember we had a class together (textiles) and I remember walking up to her and sitting with her everyday. We are EXTREMELY close friends right now and have been friends since that day.

Sooooo - I have learned to be discerning of friends. Even when it comes to guys, I have always wanted to have a good friend in a HUSBAND. If we cannot be friends, we can't be lovers. I cannot be married to somebody I am not friends with because I know myself. I will be miserable for life and make your life miserable.

I am thankful for having good friends so far...even the ones I have lost have taught me good things. It's not about the QUANTITY but it its about the QUALITY of your friendships that count.

6. FORGIVE

I won't write exactly what I am forgiving people for - its private. BUT I've learned to forgive and to let go. I know that NOT forgiving people has often led me to feel bitter about them, to hate them.
AGAIN, it's only because of the GRACE of GOD that I have learned the power of forgiveness without people apologising for their mistakes.

I know that I have also hurt people and I needed the grace of GOD. It took that to realise that just the way I need the forgiveness and love from God, people who have hurt me also need the love and forgiveness from ME. It's so hard to be Christ-like, guys! Honestly!

7. WAITING ON GOD

I think we can ALL agree that waiting for anything is a challenge. I remember when I was younger, my friends and I made a plan. My plan was...to finish university at 20 (done), go to law school at 21 (done), get a job after law school in a law firm (done) then get married at 23 like my Mum did. LOL.

Yeahhhhhh - unfortunately, God doesn't work according to our programs and plans. But, I think  God is trying to teach me something.

1. Do not rush!
2. Learn to love
3. Get closer to Him

Looking back now, if I got married at 23....I'd be a mess. I was bitter, I was angry and lazy and stressed with life (ask my young brother). I was still struggling with my relationship with God.
So, I learned not to rush (and I've heard plenty of testimonies of people in terrible marriages because they RUSHED and didn't consult God before they married. Someone told me, who you choose to marry is the SECOND most important decision you will ever make after getting SAVED.

So, waiting on God is good - it teaches you to trust God, to be patient during your wait and to get closer to Him.

8. TRAVEL TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH

TRAVEL!!!! I have learned to ENJOY life and explore.  It has been fun to get lost in a different country, to try out the different foods, to experience different cultures and traditions. It's honestly the BEST experience of my LIFE.


My best memories in life have been created because of TRAVELLING.


It's been an experience to learn different languages and see people of different colours - even to LISTEN to different languages. SEE and TRAVEL the world. It's the BEST experience ever. Dear Future Husband - please....you have to be a traveller. LOL.


9. TAKE A RISK!!

Well...I took a risk when I RELOCATED abroad especially to Zambia. I remember when I told my manager about my decision and he was so disappointed. He tried to offer me a pay rise, tried to set other conditions in my contract and I was like bruh. I often wonder if I made the right decision moving but well...we will see.

Life is about risks, after all.

10. LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION
God gave us an intuition for a REASON - listen to HER. Wisdom is there for a reason, learn to listen to her...otherwise...you're screwed.

11. HEARTBREAKS ARE GOOD THINGS

Heartbreaks can teach you a thing or two - and if anything...I think God and I are a lot closer because of it.

12. BE HEALTHY

I have learned that I need to be healthy and that includes increasing my exercise routines because ALTHOUGH I AM SLIM...I need to be more involved in sports activities.

13. CHECK UP ON PEOPLE

People won't tell you they are fine. Sometimes it's good to check up on your friends - find out how they are. Are they doing okay in life? Friendship is give and take. If you check up on them and they check up on you...that's a beautiful friendship.

14. SPOIL YOURSELF

Hey - buy yourself some flowers, a dress, do your nails! Do something nice for yourself. I think its easy to let yourself go (as in...let yourself not care about yourself).

15. READ MORE

I already read a lot but I think I need to invest in more books.

16. DON'T SPEND TOO MUCH TIME ON SOCIAL MEDIA

Social media takes you away from your family and friends (people who are actually present and who actually care). Don't spend too much time on your phone, on Facebook, on Netflix, on Twitter. Chill.

17. DO SOMETHING CRAZY TO YOUR HAIR

I cut my hair and it was PRETTY LONG. I do not regret it. I need to do more crazy things to my hair.


18. DON'T BE ARGUMENTATIVE

I already said I am stubborn...I'm learning, I promise. I need to be less argumentative (especially when I think I am right).

19. SAVE YOUR MONEY

Save your money - you may need it for a rainy day (or to go back to England when you need to)

20. ITS OKAY TO SAY NO
Sometimes...you're just tired and want to rest. Say no to an outing. You don't HAVE to go out.

21. WRITE MORE
I love writing stories. I was an A* student at school in ENGLISH or anything to do with essays. Mathematics, Science or the like...were often an issue for me.

So...I've learned to write more. Write my feelings in a diary. Write stories. Write poems. Just write.

22. INVEST
My parents are very business minded with a successful business. I need to make good investments and will continue to try and assess what I am good at.

23. DON'T CHANGE
I am who I am. I am crazy, I talk too much and often emotional (although I don't show it).

24. BE MORE ASSERTIVE

25. CONTENTMENT OVER HAPPINESS
Happiness is conditional because its based on the condition that things are going well. So...I've learned to be CONTENT with LITTLE and with MORE. But regardless of the situation...I am content with life so far.

Just like the Apostle Paul said...we have to learn to be CONTENT in every season. There will be seasons where we will have a LOT and there will be seasons where we will have LITTLE.


Wednesday, 5 July 2017

GBV: A Story (Snippet)

Ruth followed her husband, Gabriel, out of their local Baptist Church that Sunday. From the outside looking in, they had the perfect marriage. They were a humble, quiet couple who kept themselves to themselves and led a quiet life. But Ruth was keeping a secret. A secret nobody could even comprehend based on how they perceived Ruth and Gabriel.

What was their marriage like? Well, their marriage was relatively young and so were they. Ruth got married at the age of 21, straight out of University having studied Social Work, whilst her husband was 26 at the time he had been called to the Bar and was looking to start his career in the law. They had been married for four years but had no children. She was a beautiful woman and other people thought so too. She was a woman of small stature, hardworking and always kept herself busy. She was very caring for her husband and insisted on doing all the housework, needing no house-help.
Her husband, Gabriel Mulenga, now thirty-one years of age, worked as a lawyer at one of the most prestigious law firms in Chipata, Mwenya & Mwenya Associates. A firm that had been built by a well known woman in Chipata. He had been working there since it's inception.

Women, both young and old, envied their marriage and the younger women at their church often asked for advice before they decided they wanted to get married.

Ruth kept her head down as they made their walk to the carpark of the church. No matter how powerful the message seemed to be, Ruth had lost faith. She had lost faith in God. She had lost faith in her husband. She had lost faith in their marriage. She had lost faith in herself.

"Gabriel!" Ruth and her husband heard somebody call for them. Gabriel, Ruth thought, a name fit for an angel. But he was no angel.
"Minister Kasonde" Gabriel smiled, a dimple forming on his cheeks, "How can I help?"
Gabriel was well known and admired by the women around Chipata. He was handsome, tall, light in complexion and incredibly smart.
Mr Kasonde was one of the Ministers at their Church. In fact, he was the one who had given them their marital counselling before they got married in Chipata five years ago.
"You don't need to help me at all. Ruth, how are you? It's been a while?" he leans in to give Ruth a hug and Ruth stepped back, glancing at Gabriel. He would be furious.
"I'm fine, thank you." Ruth plasters on a smile. Her face was still in pain after this morning's argument.
She turns to her husband, who glares at her, "Ahem. Sweetheart, may I have the keys to the car? I can wait for you there"
He fumbles around with his pockets, looking at Minister Kasonde.
"No, I needed to talk to both of you actually. We have a Charity Brai in order to raise awareness for Gender Based Violence next week, Sunday 4th. We wanted to have a few words from you, Ruth, since you work with women and of course men who suffer from GBV, your experience and what your work entails. It's great awareness and Gabriel, your work in Human Rights would also be helpful because people need to be aware of the laws surrounding GBV"
Ruth is horrified. Her face is suddenly filled with shame, "Oh, I'm honoured but I can't"
Minister Kasonde's smile becomes a frown, "Why not?"
She glances at her husband, who avoids her eyes.
"Gabriel?" Minister Kasonde nudges him
"I wouldn't mind doing that" he mumbles
Ruth on the other hand is weary, "I mean it's such short notice. You can't find somebody else?"
He sighs, "I thought you two were the perfect people for this talk. Every week we have women come into our offices admitting to their husbands being violent."
Ruth looks away then forces herself to catch his eye, "I'll think about it."
He smiles, "That's all I'm asking for. Please do let me know by tomorrow and I can make the necessary arrangements."
Ruth nods but says nothing.
"Have a great week"
She watches the Minister walk off, catching another conversation with one of the congregants.
She looks at Gabriel, who is staring at her, it seems.
"What is it?" she asks, concerned.
"Are you going to do the talk?"
She shrugged, "You are talking about it so why can't I?"
He hesitates for a moment then asks, quietly, almost sounding vulnerable, "You won't leave me, will you?"
She keeps quiet. She never responded to that question anymore and it would make him even more furious. He would ask her that after hitting her and apologising profusely.
"Let's go" he commands.

She didn't know if she could take this anymore. She had been through the worst and it seemed like nobody could see through him. Her parents thought he was an angel, her friends loved him, her entire family did not see the violence. When was the last time she even saw her family?
He kept her isolated. He would promise that they would go and see her family in Lusaka but work kept him busy. If she wanted to go on her own, he insisted that she stay for fear of her leaving him. She had suffered three miscarriages in the space of 4 years. She had caught him in numerous affairs. Throughout all this, people thought she was happy. She was tired of living this facade.
She didn't know how much more she could take.

Sunday, 21 May 2017

A Godly Woman




Hi everybody,

I know its been a while (a whole year, to be exact) and I have no excuse other than being busy. Anyway, in honour of Mother's Day just gone, at least in Africa and the USA, I've been studying what it means to be a 'Godly' Woman.

A 'Godly' Woman is a special kind of Woman. This message wouldn't be understood by the world because the world makes mothers out to be just 'mothers'. But the Bible says women were created to be mothers and wives.

The Beginning

In the beginning, God created Adam and we know that AFTER Adam was created, God created EVE for ADAM to desire. A woman, therefore, was created to be a help-meet for the man. So, in any area he LACKS, she meets to HELP him.

I know people nowadays, especially women in the 21st Century, we are so focused on becoming equal to the man. I know the movement of feminism is something that is popular nowadays. We want to take the roles that men have, to be leaders in our homes, to over-take the man. But, I grew up in a home which was very traditional. I don't know the details of my parents' marriage BUT I know my father is the ultimate decision maker and my mother would give her input on certain issues.

Anyway, in the beginning, God created Adam and after that, He created Eve to help Adam fulfil his purpose.

Genesis 2:18 - As women, we were created to be help meets. This is a woman's PURPOSE. So, if you are single (as I am), this is your time to prepare to be a mother, to prepare to be a wife and to work at the goal of being ready to be an available help-meet.

Titus 2:3 gives us guidance as to how women should behave themselves and it reads, 'Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.'

Women are urged to be discreet, to keep their business in their household, to be keepers of the home. Your home represents you as a wife.

I remember, growing up, my parents, especially my mother, would always tell me, 'Chansa, one day you'll be a wife, you have to learn how to take care of your home'. Now that I'm back in Zambia, my mother is even more adamant about this. She would wake me up as early as 5am, I would have to clean the house, cook breakfast for my father, wash the dishes. Needless to say, I used to be super annoyed. I LOVE my sleep, okay? I can pretend to be asleep sometimes, just so that she could leave me alone. I would wake up in a bad mood, I would complain (in my heart of course, not like I can complain to my mother). She would constantly remind me that I would have to do this in my own home. Anyway, don't judge me, I am a changed woman now.

So, reading up on how a Godly Mother/Woman should be in the home, I am so thankful for my mother teaching me (before it's too late). I have realised that she is teaching me and preparing me to be a mother and a wife, which I will one day be. Unfortunately, reading up on today's society, women are told to go out there in the world to further their careers and no seek any validation from men and this has led to higher divorce rates within the church, women are no longer seeking to get married because they have the mentality of 'I can do it all by myself' and 'I don't need a man'. There is also the whole 'men are trash' movement going around on social media, for those of us who pay attention.

What is a Godly Mother? Or Woman

1. A Godly Woman Is IN the HOME. Even if she works (is employed), her first priority is her household. Anything added to that is what she wants.

Proverbs 29:15 - "A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother".

Many women seek validation from outside their homes, they leave their children and husbands to find their purpose and neglect their homes. Therefore, although many mothers work and have careers, a Godly MOTHER always puts her family first. Her husband, her children and all that God has given her as a home is always her first priority.

2. A Godly Woman is PEACEFUL

I don't know why, especially Christian women, look up to celebrities such as Kim Kardashian or watch these reality TV shows such as the Real Housewives of Atlanta or whatever which promote nothing but trash. We should, as women, look at women such as our mothers (if you have a good one like I do), biblical examples of women such as Ruth and Esther.

A Godly woman holds her peace in every situation. She is not quick to be angry but she is slow to wrath. She believes that God can fix anything and everything and because of that, she talks to God about it all.

3. A Godly Woman is QUIET and GENTLE
This means as a woman (or even a man, to be honest), do not be disrespectful, do not be aggressive, hostile or cunning.

2 Timothy 2:24 - "And the Lord's servant must not quarrel, instead, he must be kind to everyone, able to teach not resentful"

4. A Godly Woman seeks to SERVE OTHERS
Proverbs 31:15, 20 - "She also rises while it is yet night, and provides food for her household and a portion for her maidservants. She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy."

There are many more qualities but I'll leave this with you to research:

A good woman knows that pleasing God is pleasing her husband. A good mother or a good woman attempts to do things God's way rather than listening to the changing views of society.

If you are a woman and you are reading this, be a good woman first. You have to be A GOOD WOMAN BEFORE YOU ARE MARRIED and be content prior to marriage. I have a friend who recently got married. She ALWAYS tells me, be CONTENT before you are married because marriage is a whole different GAME.


Monday, 2 May 2016

Cat Got Your Tongue?

Hello People,

It's been a while. I wanted to write a Blog based on James 3:8..."Taming The Tongue". Usually, when I am studying the Bible, I like to find out what was happening around the time the book was written. The Book of James was written by James, who was the half-brother of Jesus. At the time that he wrote this, he was encouraging Christians to endure and live BOLD Christian lives.

How serious is the matter of taming the tongue? Well...

James 1:26 - "Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves and their religion is worthless."

So, if you appear to be religious, you attend church all the time and do religious works, yet you complain, you gossip, your tongue is acidic, your works and religion is worthless. It makes all your spiritual stuff useless in God's eyes. You are active in the work of the Lord but your tongue is completely out of control. James is addressing those who are holy, loving and kind but on their jobs, in their families and whatnot, they are gossiping or listening to gossip with a willing ear. They go on murmuring and complaining. Well...whatever they do, it's worthless.


I won't lie. I have said hurtful things to people in the past. I have said words out of pride, I have lied, I have gossiped, I have said words out of anger. But you cannot take those words back. You can seek to restore these relationships through repentance (saying sorry to them) and they forgive you, but once you say words they cannot be taken back. But even the Lord warns us, "Don't use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them."



A Few Tips

1. Rely on God's Strength

With your own efforts, you will fail - "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" - Philippians 4:13

2. Dedicate your heart and tongue to the Lord DAILY

You will face new conversations every single day. Therefore, acknowledging your need for discernment and God's grace will make you more conscious of your words.

3. Read the Word of God Daily

"All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness: that the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good words." - 2 Timothy 3:16-17

4. Seek Counsel - Ask those around you if your words offend them

Ask those around you if your words affect them. Ask them about how you speak and re-evaluate your words. Try to bare in mind that everything you speak will be taken into account. Matthew 12:36

5. Learn to speak words that will encourage, comfort, inspire and edify.

Ask the Lord to guide you to speak words that will honour Him - "Let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how to answer every man."

Do you know that your words reflect what is in your heart? What are you putting and feeding into your spirit? In your effects to control your tongue, focus on whatsoever is true, lovely, honest, just, pure and of good report - think on such things. (Philippians 4:8)




Sunday, 6 March 2016

Isaac and Rebecca - A Love Story

Who doesn't like a good rom-com? I know I do. I love romantic comedies. I love romance overall. So, of course, when I read the story of Isaac and Rebecca...I thought, well, let me just Blog about what I learned about this story. This was meant to be a Valentines Day/February message but...well, a girl gets busy. I had things to do!

This is the story of Isaac and Rebecca.


Genesis 24
Abraham was now very old, and the Lord had blessed him in every way. He said to the senior servant in his household, the one in charge of all that he had, "Put your hand under my thigh. I want you to swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you will not get a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites, among whom I am living, but will go to my country and my own relatives and get a wife for my son, Isaac."

The servant asked him, "What if the woman is unwilling to come back with me to this land? Shall I then take your son back to the country you came from?"

"Make sure that you do not take my son back there," Abraham said. "The Lord, the God of heaven, who brought me out of my father's household and my native land and who spoke to me and promised me on oath saying, "to your offspring, I will give this land" - he will send his angel before you so that you can get a wife for my son from there. If the woman is unwilling to come back with you, then you will be released from this oath of mine. Only do not take my son back there" So the servant put his hand under the thigh of his master Abraham and swore an oath to him concerning this matter.

Then the servant left, taking with him ten of his master's camels loaded with all kinds of goods from his master. He set out for Aram Naharaim and made his way to the town of Nahor. He had camels kneel down near the well outside the town; it was toward evening, the time the women go out to draw water.

Then he prayed, "Lord, God of my master Abraham, make me successful today and show kindness to my master Abraham. See, I am standing beside this spring, and the daughters of the townspeople are coming out to draw water. May it be that when I say to a young woman, 'please let down your jar that I may drink' and she says, 'Drink, and I'll water your camels too' - let her be the one you have chosen for your servant Isaac. By this I will know that you will show kindness to my master."

Before he had finished praying, Rebekah came out with her jar on her shoulder. She was the daughter of Bethuel son of Milka who was the wife of Abraham's brother, Nahor. The woman was very beautiful, a virgin, no man had ever slept with her. She went down to the spring and filled her jar and came up again.

The servant hurried to meet her and said, "Please give me a little water from your jar."

"Drink my lord," she said and wuickly lowered the jar to her hands and gave him a drink.

After she had given him a drink, she said, "I'll draw water for your camels too, until they had enough to drink." So she quickly emptied her jar into the trough, ran back to the well to draw more water and drew enough for all his camels. Without saying a word, the man watched her closely to learn whether or not the Lord had made his journey successful..."

....

Then, the man bowed down and worshipped the Lord, saying, "Praise be to the Lord, the God of my master Abraham, who has not abandoned his kindness and faithfulness to my master. As for me, the Lord has led me on the journey to the house of my master's relatives."

Phew! That story is pretty long. I had to cut it short. You can read the rest if you wish in Genesis 24. BUT...in this story, Abraham was an old man and the Bible says that he was in his last years. He wanted a wife for Isaac who was saved. He wanted to sent his servant to find a wife for Isaac and this servant acknowledged God.

He prayed and wanted a sign. He wanted a good wife and he wanted God's direction to find a good wife for Isaac.

Isaac was pretty much older. He is believed to have been around 37 to 40 years of age. Abraham's actions were based on revelation. God promised to make Abraham a great nation and bless the nations through him. It was the WILL of God for Isaac to be married. God MADE marriage. He thrives in marriage.

Genesis 2:18 - "...it is not good for man to be alone, the Lord shall make him a help meet." 

God saw that it was not good for Adam to be alone so he made for him that which was closest to his heart - he made a woman. God saw the need in Adam's heart.

The servant of Abraham committed his mission to prayer. When he found Rebekah, he thanked the Lord and he worshipped the Lord.

What Can We Learn From Isaac and Rebekah?


  1.  Seek a MATE when it is certain that marriage will achieve God's purpose in our lives - which is family and children - Genesis 1:28 - "Then God blessed them and said, 'be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it. Reign over the fish in the sea, the birds in the sky and all the animals that scurry along the ground."
  2. Wait on God's Timing - Yes, I know people hate hearing the whole 'wait on God's timing...' but there's nothing you can do. 
  3. Look in the RIGHT places - Abraham told his servant to not go in the land of the Canaanites. Why was that? Well, the Canaanites represent the 'unsaved' people. The Bible says "Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers." Why don't you get involved in the life of the church, find somebody with a heart for God and get involved in the work of God. If you start to like somebody, pray about it and seek God first. God will guide you. But be in the context of friendship, ministry, get to know that person
  4. Seek Godly Qualities - You can date around but it doesn't mean they are the right people. And in your waiting, have you considered your character? Getting marriage is not about your age, it's about your character (Ephesians 5). Are you still selfish? Husbands? Potential husbands? You are supposed to represent Christ. Your decisions will no longer be based on your own merit, but for the betterment of your wives and your children. You are the high priest of the home, the protector of the home and the provider of the home. Strong fathers begin with a strong husband and a strong believer in Christ. Women - are you willing to respect your husband? Respecting him as the provider? As the preacher? Giving him reverence even when he makes mistakes? Are you willing to respect his responsibilities and can you submit? Both of y'all - are you mature enough to submit to one another in the fear of God?
  5. Listen and HEED to the instructions of OLDER and WISER Christians - do not keep the relationship a secret. There is nothing wrong with getting to know people. But keep it public. 
Lastly, you will grow old with the person you will marry. The world may make marriage seem very cumbersome but marriage is a serious step. This is a life partner. If you know it will not be permanent, let that person know sooner and gently and stay friends. Imagine going to heaven and how many people you have to avoid due to the awkwardness.

I also realise that people focus so much on marriage. They make lists about what they want in a mate (which is good, because at least you have standards) but some of these lists are so unrealistic. Why don't you seek first the Kingdom of God because without the character of Christ, you're nothing. Why don't you learn to pray and read the promises of God. Pray for God to change your heart and pray for your future marriage? 

Why don't you just relax and not THINK too much about whether the man you're dating is 'the one'? Every guy that comes along, you wonder if he is the one God has sent for you? Why not just go out, befriend people, both men and women and just CHILL? 

Prayer - Women, why don't you pray. 

Lord, I want in my heart to respect my future husband and honour his leadership. Lord, let my judgement be good, my words to hold weight. Please, let me be a mother that has such an impact on my children and my grandchildren. I believe in You, Lord, for breakthroughs in my fear of commitment and rejection. Lord, you died to make me who I am and who I am meant to be. Father, change me and make me less selfish. Take the treachery out of my heart, let us mean it when we go to your altar and let that be deep within our hearts. Let us mean our vows. Let our love be unconditional. I pray that I lay down my life for that person, to not walk away from that marriage no matter how hard it gets.


In Jesus' Name I pray, Amen?!


Saturday, 2 January 2016

A Broken Heart


I think it s fair to say that all of us reading this have been hurt, one way or another. Or are hurting. Or will be hurt. It is inevitable. Even in the laughter and the smiling you see in people at work, in church or in families and within your friends.

Who hurts?

  • People facing rejection from loved ones - for example, those who were adopted may feel rejection from a young age. They were not loved by their parents and they cannot understand why, so they feel that they have to seek that love from others.
  • Parents - those parents of children who have rejected their counsel and their rules
  • Those facing illnesses (cancer, etc)
  • Those who are going through break-ups - this can be boyfriends, girlfriends, going through a divorce
  • Those who have been looking for jobs for weeks, months, years but can't seem to get through to one
Everybody hurts. Everybody carries his or her own burden of pain. However, you have to know that there is NO physical cure. People cannot shut down the fears. Even the best of friends. Only God can shut down the feelings of loneliness and discontentment and failure. 

Broken Hearts

A broken heart can cause the most excruciating pain in the world. A heartbreak is a wound that is both physical and spiritual. Yes, your friends and family can ease the pain through laughter but the pain somehow seems worse at night, when you're all alone, surrounded by nobody but your own thoughts.

There is the old saying...time heals everything. That is not true. Time only seems to magnify the pain in your heart. If your heart is so open and trusting...you seem to be wounded even more. But some people are so hard hearted, strong shelled and are too proud and self-centred to allow anybody to make them suffer. There is a cure. 

Sometimes, when I read the Old testament, I find a common thread. It is almost like a romantic story. God pursues His people, they reject Him and turn to less worthy things. Idols. But He keeps loving them anyway. Time after time after time, He does whatever it takes to win them back. If this happened to me, I don't know if I could live. God is long-suffering. He loves His people and it hurts Him to see them in pain. 


The Cure (With Tips)

  1. Stop trying to figure out HOW and WHY you're hurt
I think as humans...we try to figure out why something has happened. We try to fix things. You may be right or wrong but you have to be willing to trust God and His mysteries. My cousin always tells me that one day...you will probably be thanking God about why your heart was broken and why certain things did not work out the way YOU wanted them to. You will find yourself thanking God because He is probably protecting you from something you do not even know about and cannot see. 

1 Peter 4:12-13 - "Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when His glory is revealed."

Matthew 11:28-30 - "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."


    2.  Remind Yourself - God will not PUT TOO MUCH ON YOU

Just remember that God is NOT behind your pain. He is not disciplining you. Yes, He chastens us but only for a season...and this is not to hurt us. It's sort of like being grounded for doing something wrong. He isn't the author of confusion. God watches over us and He is always on time. He will not allow you to drown in your tears. 

Psalm 30:5 - "For His anger lasts only a moment, but His favour lasts a lifetime. Weeping may last through the night but joy comes with the morning."

   3. Weep & Give It To God

 The disciples (one being Peter) wept and gave their burdens to God. Peter in particular was hurt after denying the Son of God. He felt guilty because of this. Jesus also wept and constantly prayed when he felt that he had too much to bear. I know He was God in flesh, but He was still human. 

Psalm 51:17 - "The sacrifice You desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, Oh God."

  4. You Will Survive

Life goes on. You can bear so much with God helping you. Joy is rejoicing with the Lord no matter what you go through. You may be feeling rejected and abandoned and weak, but God is still God.
Throughout it all, remember that no weapon formed against you will prosper (Isaiah 54:17).

I don't know what you are going through. But if you feel like you're broken, lonely, discontent, angry...whatever it is, do not forget that you are fearfully and you are wonderfully made. You share God's heart, His character, you were made in His image. He has had his share of a broken heart. I'm sure He feels pain too. Pain and rejection because His people have wondered and left Him. We follow our own rules, our own ways and our own paths without even consulting Him.

Oh and don't forget...hard times do not last forever. 

Romans 8:18 - "I consider that what we suffer at this present time cannot be compared at all with the glory that is going to be revealed to us."

Have a prosperous, blessed and prayerful new year & month.

X

Read the full message by David Wilkerson by clicking on here

Tuesday, 1 December 2015

I Feel So Unworthy



I once read about a Pastor...in fact, I know the Bible says not to show favouritism, but he happens to be one of my favourite preachers because his preaching changed my life. The preacher below is David Wilkerson. He once said even though he preached to thousands of people, there are times when he felt very far away from the presence of God. There were times when he had no desire to read the Word and very little desire to pray. He knew he loved the Lord but sometimes, he couldn't seem to touch God for days, or even weeks.


Do you ever feel like others get blessed while you feel like nothing great is happening to you? It seems like God is blessing them and they testify of His Goodness and how He answered their prayers but you just plod along, loving the Lord but not making a difference?

We make a lot of excuses to the Lord sometimes. For example, when a new job opportunity comes but you are afraid to apply because you feel unworthy, under-qualified, lacking skills, unequipped...the list goes on. OR, God is telling you to let go or mend a certain relationship but you feel like you cannot bridge the gap between both of you. OR, it could be your relationships at work and you feel like you cannot make an impact or change because you're just the 'cleaner' or you're 'just the postman'.

YOU are not alone. A lot of people in the Bible felt the same. They felt under-qualified and that they lacked skills.

Let's read the Story of Moses. We all know this story because we read it as kids and there is even a movie about it.

Exodus 3


Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro, his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the wilderness and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There, the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within the bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire, it did not burn up. So Moses thought, "I will go over and see this strange sight - why does the bush not burn up?"

Clearly Moses was inquisitive.

When the Lord saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, "Moses! Moses!"

And Moses said, "Here I am."

"Do not come any closer," God said. "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground." Then he said, "I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob." At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God.

The Lord said, "I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering. So I have come down to rescue them from the hand of the Egyptians and to bring them up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey - the home of the Canaanites, Hittites, Amorites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites. And now the cry of the Israelites has reached me and I have seen the way the Egyptians are oppressing them....

STOP THERE!!! - I can actually imagine Moses saying, Amen, Lord. Ooh, yes. Thank You Lord for answering our prayers and for hearing our cries. Thank You!


...So now, go. I am sending you to Pharoah to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt."

I am guessing on here Moses was like, "Hold up, Lord...just wait a MINUTE...me?"

Then the excuses began.

Self Doubt:

But Moses said to God, "Who am I that I should go to Pharoah and bring the Israelites out of Egypt?"
Moses felt unworthy, he doubted himself and the ability that he had to do it. He felt that he had no skills

Fear of Rejection

Moses answered, "What if they do not believe me or listen to me and say, "The Lord did not appear to you."

Moses was afraid of rejection. Well, who isn't afraid of failure. It's hard to stand up in front of people and try something risky when you wonder if you are even really up for it. When faced with that sort of pressure, Moses had to tell God he couldn't do it. But God had a clear message for Moses and for us. God doesn't care about our excuses. He knows our capabilities, and if he does not think we could do it then he would have asked somebody else. Even the fact that he used 'what ifs' made him sound like he was belittling himself. Do you find  yourself doing that? You're scared. But God has not given you the spirit of fear, but of POWER, of LOVE and of a SOUND MIND. A sound mind means one of peace, not of worry or anxiety. And if you are anxious, then pray about it and the peace of God which transcends all human understanding will guard your heart and your mind.

Under-qualified
But Moses said, "Pardon your servant Lord, but please send somebody else."
Moses realised he would not win and he had run out of excuses so in the end, he settled for begging.
I really don't blame him. Imagine having to be hated by the Israelites, and then you have a speech impediment, you stutter, you are shy and then having to talk to PHARAOH and convince him to let God's people go? I would be scared too.

The funny thing is, the Lord told Moses to just use the staff he had in his hand.

The Staff

Then the Lord said to him, "What is that in your hand?"
"A staff," he replied
The Lord said, "Throw it to the ground."
Moses threw it to the ground and it became a snake and he ran from it.

You're probably thinking, what is the point of this? Well, after complaining about how he was unworthy, the Lord asked him what he had and all Moses had in his hand was a staff. He probably thought, 'Lord, I am going up against Pharaoh here and you're telling me I should use a measly old STAFF to fight against him?'

The whole point is, God will use the weak to bring about  victory - 1 Corinthians 1:27 - "But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong."

Guess what? It is the same with you! You can compare yourself to others but comparison is the thief of all joy.

The Message

  • Go with what you've got and God will give you what you need
  • Wait on God
  • Comparisons will make you feel like you aren't blessed as much as others are.
  • Pray intentionally
  • When God sees you he does not see the limitations you set for yourself.
One root of envy is ingratitude. We must begin to give thanks for everything that we have received. Let us give thanks to God for the gifts that OTHERS have received. 

God used many others in the Bible.

Abraham and Sarah - God promises Abraham and his wife Sarah that they would one day be parents, even though they were old and barren. They had nothing but God told them their children would be as the number of stars at night. So many that they would not be able to count them.


Jeremiah - At the time that this prophet was born, the people of God were not living according to His Word. So, God called Jeremiah to change the people through him. In fact, he planned this out before Jeremiah was born. Jeremiah was scared, of course, like Moses but his excuse was that he was  too young. He did not think he could speak out against the wickedness, he was only about 20 years of age. God touched Jeremiah's mouth and he spoke boldly against the sin in the land. 

Gideon - After Joshua died, the people of Israel disobeyed God (again).God wanted Gideon to lead the people of Israel against the Midianites but of course, Gideon was afraid. He had an army of 32,000 men but God cut that down to 320 men. Hello? Why would God do that? He used the little that Gideon had to prove that He was God.

So, whatever it is that's bothering you or making you feel unworthy or under-appreciated, just remember how God used all these people. Despite their lack of confidence, God turned them into great prophets. God can do great things in and through you too!

Enjoy the last month of the year.

God bless.